If you want to feel elated, high, on fire for “the resistance” winning back the House, taking more control of state governments, and electing a record number of women to office, go elsewhere.

I’m not feeling elated, high, or on fire this morning.

I’m grateful it’s finally over after two years spent clinched, holding my breath, wondering if the soul of this nation is even more evil than I could have imagined. And I say that as a girl who grew up in the racist South with grandparents who used the N-word and a brother who later would fall in love with a Donald Trump presidency.

I am grateful, of course, that the House at least isn’t under Trump’s control. Imagine all that wouldn’t have been done in the last two years if Democrats controlled the house? This is not nothing.

But it’s also not enough. It’s like finding a surprise crate of canned sardines during the apocalypse. Sardines are about as inspiring to me as a meal as Nancy Pelosi is as a leader. And yet…I’m starving and it gives me hope I can survive another day.

But my list of worries are still longer than I can count.

After two years of such blatant misogyny, racism, homophobia, transphobia, and hate…This is the best we could do? I know it was a stacked deck for the Senate, but let’s face it: Humanity < party. That isn’t OK.

And are the newly elected Democrats going to fight? Or be the reverse version of Mitch McConnell, obstructionist, but hardly inspiring.

And are they just going to give Trump and other to spoil against and demonize, an excuse for why he can’t get anything done that tees up the same racist forces that voted for a red Senate to re-elect him in two years?

Worst of all: Was that it for the resistance? Will we return to the liberal, hipster, disaffected “Oh well, we tried…”

More people strongly disapprove of this Presidency than approve of it. And that’s with a booming economy. And yet, here we are. That Presidency feels like it got a mandate to continue.

It’s something. But after two years of cold-Civil War, I don’t feel relieved.

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