I’m crushing my New Year’s resolutions so far this year. Working out like a fiend, Chairman Mom is on fire, I’ve read almost 20 books so far this year, sending flowers to a different amazing woman every month, cooking healthy meals almost every night and I’m working on my tourist Spanish a little bit every day via Duolingo. I haven’t gotten as far as I could have on the macro goal of getting my personal finances in shape, but I did get life insurance checked off the list, so that’s something. And it’s only February. (Help in large part to these Chairman Mom threads and the small groups that jumped off of them!)
I’ll tell you where I’m struggling: Meditation. We’ve had a couple threads about meditation on Chairman Mom this year, so I know I’m not alone in this. But I’m increasingly wondering why this one thing has been so difficult to commit to. I have done better on sticking to it than I have in the past, which I credit to finding the perfect slot in between drop off and getting to work—right when I need a moment of calm to refocus my efforts. But clearly there’s some psychological block here.
I love doing nothing. I love how I feel after meditation. I notice a palpable difference in my anxiety when I do it everyday that is gone when I lose the practice. I can do it anywhere and it only takes five minutes. I’m awesome at coming up with mantras.
I’m not too busy. I find five minutes a day to practice Spanish and an hour or more a day to exercise.
It’s rare that I’m doing something and I can’t figure out what is causing me to do it. What is the problem? There’s clearly a strange subconscious self-sabotage at work here. Does part of my mind not want me to be at peace or be seen or…? There is something internally that is keeping me from doing something really easy that I know will bring me tremendous value.
I’m going to try to hold myself to two weeks of prioritizing it everyday and see if whatever doesn’t want me to be mindful gives up…