Newsletter editor Lily here.
Now that my 25th birthday has come and gone, I’m starting to learn that adulthood is a lot of googling etiquette rules that are entirely socially constructed and hoping you get it right—and then rolling your eyes at said rules but following them anyway.
Recently, I’ve been dealing with my first foray into lots of simultaneous overlapping family and friend obligations, and my God the whole thing is a minefield. This week after a save-the-date snafu, for instance, I spent 30 minutes of my morning googling if it’s appropriate to invite someone to a bridal shower but not the wedding, as well as texting my mom and three friends. (It is not, said The Knot gods!) Last month, as I mentioned in a newsletter, I spent an hour looking over a friend’s 58-slide presentation of her and her boyfriend’s picturesque fall vacation options, where he’ll be proposing to her. (You aren’t really engaged in 2019 if you don’t do it for the ‘gram!) I also recently had to deal with the politics of whom to invite to a housewarming. (And what does it mean if someone isn’t a housewarming friend?! Is that a real friendship?!)
I think all of us can intellectualize the fact that all of these rules are bullsh*t and constructed to make women panic endlessly. But I—along with many of you, I’m sure—still feel the pressure and anxiety to not be the only adult messing it up. It’s also weird when you know the rules are full of crap but other people in your life don’t. There’s been quite the discrepancy unfolding here, and I’m interested to see where it goes next with some of my friends in particular.
Ah, the joys of womanhood!
Today’s new questions on Chairman Mom:
- Should schools de-emphasize Mother’s Day and Father’s Day to be less hetero-normative?
- Feelings about being managed by someone super young?
- What’s the best sexism training you’ve ever had?