In January, I posted about my inability to make daily meditation stick. This thread continually pops back up, with close to 30 answers now. But one of the most interesting came last week from @sarahkpeck. I wanted to highlight it for those who have long since stopped checking updates on this thread.
“@sarahlacy I’ve been thinking about this question for a few weeks now—read through this entire thread, thought about habit change and habit shift, and have an answer I can’t get out of my head. I’ll try to write about it and see if it sticks.
Here’s my thought:
You don’t actually want to meditate.
Or, you want something else that’s happening more.
When I get stuck on making a change, oftentimes I need closer analysis and I realize that the things that I have in my life right now, already—like waking up early and reading the news, or cuddling my kids, or being in a fast-paced environment in my worklife—are the things I’m choosing over and over again. And that the things I want _the most_ are the things I’m prioritizing.
Maybe you don’t actually want to meditate frequently?
I ask this with the most kindness and tenderness, if possible. I end up having to go back in and really doing some self-reflection to see if it’s the thing I really want in my life. Then, the next step after that is to ask, ‘what am I willing to shift or change in order to make it happen?’ Until I get grounded on those things, it’s not an app or a habit—it’s the underlying desire and belief that has to be rooted first.
If you can find your why and your root, and reconnect to why you want to do it (internally) and acknowledge the shifts you need to make it happen, that can be really helpful for me. What do you want it to do for your life? What do you want it to feel like? What does doing it on the daily feel like, look like, and taste like? Can you visualize when you do it and the steps you take? Can you look at the biggest blockers and impediments (like kiddos jumping in your bed, or urgent calls from work) and design a strategy for how to deal with those specific instances?
LMK if any of this lands. Sometimes for me letting go of a ‘should’ or a ‘have to’ lets me find a way back into a ‘ooh, I want to’ energy space, which is the step that lets the habit begin to unfold in front of me.”
She’s exactly right. There is no logical reason I can’t make this stick except I don’t want it to do it on some level. But that raises the question of why. It also raises the question of whether that’s a good enough reason not to, or what things we should force past initial resistance.
In my answer to Sarah, I noted the inertia to not work out, for instance, even though I know I love it and it makes me feel better.
It’s evolved into an even more interesting thread on when we should force things and when we shouldn’t, and what’s behind the resistance, in case anyone is wrestling with something similar.
Today’s new questions on Chairman Mom:
- Are you a master troubleshooter? Need help with email deliverability.
- Any experience or thoughts on MeWe social network?