I can’t stop thinking about this opinion piece by Betsy Cooper in the New York Times. She’s six weeks pregnant, over 30, and declaring it publicly.
She acknowledges the many good reasons women keep pregnancies secret for three months or longer. (Indeed, one she doesn’t note as a first-time mother is not dragging existing children through heartbreak. I had a miscarriage a week before I was set to tell my kids I was pregnant. I can’t imagine if they’d also spent 11 weeks in excitement and anticipation. My grief was enough to deal with.)
But she also acknowledges the silliness of lies women tell to keep their “cover” and the real risks: “With all these pressures, it has been lost that the trend toward secrecy in pregnancy has its own risks. Not least, women (and their partners) miss real, in-person opportunities to support one another through difficult times. Online anonymous message boards (and their fake or unscientific news) substitute for real conversations with friends and family members who had similar experiences.”
First off, Ms. Cooper should join Chairman Mom, where anonymity doesn’t equal anything fake or toxic and our conversations are very real. But her point still stands. I have always hated the silence game of pregnancy, and I think it’s the single biggest reason that miscarriage isn’t talked about more, nor do women who’ve miscarried get the medical help they need. One of the things that’s so emotionally devastating about a miscarriage is it’s like you’ve lost something that the rest of the world never knew existed.
Curious what others think, so definitely check out this thread we posted last week.
We’ve rounded up a few critical threads on miscarriages and the first trimester of pregnancy on Chairman Mom:
- How to deal with a miscarriage after trying to conceive for 1 year
- I’m having a hard first trimester and don’t want my boss to know I’m pregnant. How do I explain the puking and exhaustion?
- Any advice on recovering after a miscarriage with first pregnancy?
- How does one navigate being pregnant during the first trimester while interviewing for jobs?