Author: Lily Herman (page 2 of 50)

My lip twitches now. So that’s a thing that 2020 has given me.

I handle stress extraordinarily well. 

I love chaos. I live in crazy chaotic places. I travel to them. I like to change up my life to make it chaotic whenever things start to feel easy or manageable. 

Maybe it’s my own weird toxic femininity. You thought being a working mom was hard? What if I write a book? Or start juggling knives??? Ha ha!

I am great in a crisis. 

Typically, I know when my barriers are being pushed to their limits, because my eye will start twitching so imperceptibly that only I know. It’s periods of extreme stress when this happens. And it’s the most extreme symptom of stress I’ve ever experienced.  Read more...

On never assuming you’ve got nothing to learn

Today’s intro is from our contributor Amanda Munday, who’s the founder and CEO of The Workaround and author of Day Nine: A Postpartum Depression Memoir.

So I am speaking at North America’s largest TEDx event this fall, TEDxToronto. I was honoued when I was asked to speak, and I can’t really say much more than that right now because I’ve signed one heck of an NDA. But I promise it will be great. (If you want tickets to the virtual, hosted event, you can use my promo code AMANDA10 for 10% off!) Read more...

I keep telling myself I can’t. Then I end up being wrong.

Today’s intro is from our contributor Amanda Munday, who’s the founder and CEO of The Workaround and author of Day Nine: A Postpartum Depression Memoir.

My ex has been out of our house since September 1st. It’s not the custody arrangement we planned on, but given some family health issues, he’s gone to care for them and I’ve solo parented now for 30 days. Through the start of pandemic school. Through colds that have locked us down for a week. Through all the shit going on in the world. Alone. No break. Read more...

Three years and counting

Newsletter editor Lily here.

In the midst of that totally chill and not at all traumatic September we just had (between, ya know, a pandemic, the crumbling of our democracy, terrifying natural disasters, the list goes on and on), I realized that the month marked my three-year anniversary writing these newsletters for Chairman Mom. WOW.

I once did the math, and that equates to roughly 250 newsletters per year, which means I’ve cranked out roughly 750 of these suckers Monday through Friday for around 50ish weeks of the year since 2017. That’s A LOT of curating, writing, and corresponding about motherhood! Read more...

How many different ways can we feel an existential threat in 2020?

Earlier this week, we were in Palm Springs. We’ve been fleeing there much of the last six months because it’s so isolated, and it’s easier for my family to be outside and be safe in the middle of a global pandemic that has killed more than 200,000 Americans.

We’ve also been spending time there because California has been beset with heartbreaking, record-setting wildfires. Our sky in San Francisco turned orange last month. Other days, our air quality was some of the worst of anywhere in the world. My daughter and I both have breathing issues, so these are concerns.  Read more...

Notice anything?

Yesterday, I sounded off on Instagram about this incredibly frustrating New York Times piece shaming moms for “helicoptering” over Zoom. “Can we wait until we have a functioning democracy and a stable economy and our kids are allowed to be out of the house before you go back to labeling and judging us???” I wrote. 

I guess that’s how we know we’ve truly normalized 2020. We’re back to blaming moms. We’re back to putting moms in a no-win situation of neglect versus hovering.  Read more...

A whopping 74%

The old adage—at least in the South where I was raised—was that you don’t talk about politics or religion at the dinner table. And a shocking survey showed us earlier this year that 74% of white women don’t engage in political conversations because it’s too uncomfortable and “doesn’t keep the peace.” (We have also been trained not to talk about money, but threads like this start to dismantle that…) 

My friend Sarah Kunst shared that white women stat with me a few months ago, and I was all knee-jerk “WHAT? No way…” And she was basically like, “Stop being fragile and white and listen, we have Trump for a reason,” and then I thought more about it and was like, “Oh my God yes, and this is why the country is in this state…”  Read more...

The moral dilemma

The other day I woke up in the middle of the night with a stunning memory and realization. So stunning, in fact, I had to wake up my partner to share it immediately. 

“There was a time not too long ago when Don Graham said these words to Mark Zuckerberg: ‘Mark, I release you from your moral dilemma.’” 

I know. Welcome to the mind of a former tech reporter. 

I’ll get to the context of the quote in a moment, but the important part is that Mark Zuckerberg once had a strong moral code driving all of his business decisions. Today, in 2020, that concept seems almost unbelievable.  Read more...

A little Vermont excursion

Newsletter editor Lily here.

A few months ago, I saw a tweet that essentially said that for those of us who are quarantining and practicing social distancing and generally avoiding people, it feels like we’re living in an infinite present since we have no future plans or milestones to look forward to.

I 100% feel that day in and day out from my New York City apartment. What’s slightly loopy about my place is that our living room and kitchen area only contains a skylight, and our office only has a darkened window that overlooks an alley, so I feel like my days are all blending together since I can’t even really tell what time of day it is thanks to the lack of outwardly facing windows in my work areas. It’s all a blur. Read more...

Complicit

I’ve been thinking about this phrase non-stop for the last few months: “Complicit in my own oppression.”

Eve Rodsky first mentioned it in her CM virtual event a few months ago. (She’s hosting another one this fall, so sign up!) When she was doing research for her bestselling book Fair Play, she wrote this acronym again and again in the margin: CIYOO. Every time a woman made excuses for why her husband couldn’t do half of the load around the house. 

In my book, I wrote about how many years I went through life as a “cool girl” and a recipient of benevolent sexism, not really realizing how much I was benefiting from and upholding the patriarchy.  Read more...